bill_kaulitz: (キリト | triple threat)
Honestly can't seem to remember to come back here to journal but in all fairness, things have been (mostly) okay. Although this past week was the exception and you'd THINK I'd remember to journal when things get hectic but IDK.

Anyway, on Friday of last week I joked about going to Paris. I had made plans a while back to go with a friend, but between the plague and finances, we put it out a couple years and then kind of stopped talking about it. But the joke made me think about it and I checked tickets and they're *insanely* low for the time frame I looked at them. I immediately texted my friend, who was like 'oh wow', and I asked if she seriously still wanted to go, which she said yes to, and then it was like "Courtney, are we really going to Paris?!"

So yeah. We just have to renew our passports, buy our tickets, and reserve an AirBNB. One thing at a time but I'll be in Paris next year!!!

However, that excitement was immediately nerfed by the water bill I received the next day. $229. Needless to say, I did not use that much water, and after freaking out and calming down with the help of everyone who said "that's not normal", and a little fighting with the city, I called today and they told me my new balance was $57.95. Although that wasn't reflected on their website, that is what I paid and hopefully I won't hear anymore about that disaster.

Also went to the lady doctor for my yearly, but mainly because I'm having two-week cycles on a birth control that's supposed to (or usually) stops it. Gyno didn't seem concerned, but ordered an ultrasound *just* in case and we'll go from there, and if it's nothing, she'll prescribe some hormones, I believe.

Then comes the fucking dog next door who barks at all hours and it looks like its owners just leave it outside when it's barely 40 degrees (F). I called animal control but no one answered, left a message, they unfortunately called back while I was in a meeting and did NOT leave a message, so I called again, but again no answer. I left another message, but they have not called back. So idk what to do.

So that's been my week in a nutshell. Therapy got cancelled today, which *sucked* because I had a lot to get off my chest, so I guess that's why I'm here! I also wanted to talk to him about the Inner Child book I'm reading. I'd like to go through some of it with him and see what he has to say but AGH.


I also keep thinking today is Friday?!
bill_kaulitz: (Default)
(Sorry, couldn't resist with the title.)

Since I can't trust my memory these days, I guess I do need to start writing down things. It will probably help but I probably need to seriously contemplate why I don't like journaling without an audience. I think I've definitely grown since the last time I posted here, nah I know I have. Three years lol.

I know my inner monologue changes when I know someone is going to read what I'm going to say. I guess instead of being honest, I write what I think I need to say and what I think will interest people to hear and I can't really keep doing that. I have to be honest with myself and really pay attention to what I'm doing and thinking and feeling, and really focus on what kind of person I want to be.

This year I decided I'm ready to get a handle on my life - my wants, my dreams, desires - who I'm supposed to be, who I need to be, who I want to be. I don't want to go down the cliche road of "new year new me" or "this is MY year" but I really want that to be the case for me. I'm tired of feeling stuck and worthless and alone.

I still have so many hurdles ahead of me. Mainly like making new friends involves meeting new people :/ Not sure how to go about that one especially in a pandemic (yeah, I have the plague btw, thanks mom!)

Therapy is going well though. I'm lucky my high school buddy is in the business and was kind enough to take me on as a pro bono patient. I am very lucky. It was really hard not to feel like I manipulated him into it, but I think I've finally accepted that he was willing to help and my circumstances helped secure that for me.


I want to sit down and deconstruct my thoughts some more, probably in a more organized way. But this entry was just practice for next time.



Until next time.

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bill_kaulitz: (Default)
not the real bill kaulitz

March 2022

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