lynn (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bill_kaulitz) wrote2022-01-27 06:32 pm
bill_kaulitz) wrote2022-01-27 06:32 pm
Entry tags:
I'm back! A Dinosaur's Story
(Sorry, couldn't resist with the title.)
Since I can't trust my memory these days, I guess I do need to start writing down things. It will probably help but I probably need to seriously contemplate why I don't like journaling without an audience. I think I've definitely grown since the last time I posted here, nah I know I have. Three years lol.
I know my inner monologue changes when I know someone is going to read what I'm going to say. I guess instead of being honest, I write what I think I need to say and what I think will interest people to hear and I can't really keep doing that. I have to be honest with myself and really pay attention to what I'm doing and thinking and feeling, and really focus on what kind of person I want to be.
This year I decided I'm ready to get a handle on my life - my wants, my dreams, desires - who I'm supposed to be, who I need to be, who I want to be. I don't want to go down the cliche road of "new year new me" or "this is MY year" but I really want that to be the case for me. I'm tired of feeling stuck and worthless and alone.
I still have so many hurdles ahead of me. Mainly like making new friends involves meeting new people :/ Not sure how to go about that one especially in a pandemic (yeah, I have the plague btw, thanks mom!)
Therapy is going well though. I'm lucky my high school buddy is in the business and was kind enough to take me on as a pro bono patient. I am very lucky. It was really hard not to feel like I manipulated him into it, but I think I've finally accepted that he was willing to help and my circumstances helped secure that for me.
I want to sit down and deconstruct my thoughts some more, probably in a more organized way. But this entry was just practice for next time.
Until next time.
Since I can't trust my memory these days, I guess I do need to start writing down things. It will probably help but I probably need to seriously contemplate why I don't like journaling without an audience. I think I've definitely grown since the last time I posted here, nah I know I have. Three years lol.
I know my inner monologue changes when I know someone is going to read what I'm going to say. I guess instead of being honest, I write what I think I need to say and what I think will interest people to hear and I can't really keep doing that. I have to be honest with myself and really pay attention to what I'm doing and thinking and feeling, and really focus on what kind of person I want to be.
This year I decided I'm ready to get a handle on my life - my wants, my dreams, desires - who I'm supposed to be, who I need to be, who I want to be. I don't want to go down the cliche road of "new year new me" or "this is MY year" but I really want that to be the case for me. I'm tired of feeling stuck and worthless and alone.
I still have so many hurdles ahead of me. Mainly like making new friends involves meeting new people :/ Not sure how to go about that one especially in a pandemic (yeah, I have the plague btw, thanks mom!)
Therapy is going well though. I'm lucky my high school buddy is in the business and was kind enough to take me on as a pro bono patient. I am very lucky. It was really hard not to feel like I manipulated him into it, but I think I've finally accepted that he was willing to help and my circumstances helped secure that for me.
I want to sit down and deconstruct my thoughts some more, probably in a more organized way. But this entry was just practice for next time.
Until next time.